Spring is such a beautiful season and is usually filled with many engagements and weddings after Easter. Thinking of my own time of engagement, I remember everything seemed like a whirlwind! Our engagement was about 11 months long, and we were certainly appreciative of the planning time we had in going through marriage preparation without rushing.
Thankfully, my husband and I were both on the same page when it came to getting married in the Catholic Church. Prior to our engagement, we had already discussed wedding budget expectations, length of engagement, and a wedding location. I was grateful we had these conversations so early. As my husband, friends, and family can all attest to, I am a planner. To no one’s surprise, I set up an appointment the day after our engagement to meet with our church to begin our marriage preparation process. (Of course, it could have been from my excitement as well!)
We learned SO much throughout our marriage preparation process. Hopefully we can share some helpful thoughts with those who are currently planning or will plan for a Catholic wedding in the future.
1. During engagement, meet with your priest as often as possible.
Both of us wholeheartedly agree that meeting with our priest early and often was the most important part of our marriage preparation. We met our priest throughout our engagement for more than the required meetings. And it was quite fun! Engagement is a time for preparing for marriage, which lasts a lifetime – not one day. Investing in your relationship both together and with your priest is such a crucial part of this preparation and should take priority. Our priest tailored our conversations to our unique relationship and covered topics we had not considered.
2. Read marriage books with your fiancé/fiancée.
Both my husband and I thoroughly enjoy reading, and we highly recommend this activity for engaged couples. Reading books, such as Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married, brought us closer together as we discussed the theology and profundity of the marriage sacrament. Consider it as your own little book club! Other books we enjoyed reading include:
3. Consider utilizing a Catholic wedding planning guide to help you prepare.
Think about utilizing a Catholic wedding planning resource that can help cut down on the amount of time you spend researching and planning. A dear friend gifted me Invited: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner by Stephanie Calis, and it was an incredibly helpful resource. Read stories, wedding tips, and marriage preparation advice on Spoken Bride, a Catholic lifestyle blog for brides and newlyweds. I found many of the blog posts to be helpful in planning a Catholic Mass as the authors and featured brides shared many details I had not thought of before or of which I was not aware.
4. Use your engagement as a time to focus on building a foundation for your marriage.
When wedding planning has you frazzled or conflicted with your future spouse or family members, remind each other that your wedding day is about the marriage sacrament. Everything else will fall into place. The details that matter will come to fruition. Pray for or with your spouse, friends, or family members when tensions arise.
5. Enjoy the process of planning your wedding Mass.
Other than your funeral, your wedding Mass is the only entire Mass you’ll get to plan! This was our favorite part of the wedding planning process. We encourage you to look into the different types of Catholic traditions, symbolism, and moments of meaning that can be incorporated into your wedding Mass. Do you have a favorite saint that can be included with song, prayer, or other elements? Perhaps you’ve always envisioned sharing a bouquet of flowers with the Mary statue at your church, or maybe you wish to incorporate the wedding lasso or arras ritual. We incorporated the Croatian tradition of holding a crucifix while saying our vows. Consider your favorite Mass songs and readings. Do you have a theme or message for your guests? Ours was: We love because God first loved us. Our songs, readings, Psalm and other selections were made with this theme in mind.
6. Take Natural Family Planning classes together.
The USCCB states that Natural Family Planning (NFP) is “the scientific, natural, and moral methods of family planning that can help married couples either achieve or postpone pregnancy.” NFP honors both the love-giving (unitive) and life-giving (procreative) aspects of God’s design for married love. Before your wedding, you’ll want to have had several months of learning with an instructor and practicing your choice of one of the many NFP methods.
7. Participate in an engagement retreat.
Typically, attending an engagement retreat is a diocesan requirement as part of marriage preparation. Our church held a day-long retreat complete with Mass, meals, prayer, books, and talks from mentor couples at various stages in life. Hearing anecdotes and tips from our mentor couple and the other couples leading the retreat was particularly helpful to us. Check with your diocese and parish on what retreats are required or available, such as Engaged Encounter.
8. Take a financial planning course together.
We highly recommend taking a financial planning course as a couple. It is so important to be on the same page financially, as this area can be one where many future disagreements begin. Going through the process of making a budget, knowing the amounts and kinds of debt each person may or may not be bringing into the marriage, sharing financial goals, and understanding how each person views money is crucial. We actually went through Financial Peace University’s CDs just before our engagement (a previous college graduation gift from my parents – thank you, Mom and Dad!), though there are other financial planning courses such as Wallet Win.
9. Pray together.
Praying as a couple is such an important habit that will strengthen your marriage and build a foundation for your spiritual life together. However you prefer to pray, it’s important to pray for and with each other. My husband and I chose, or rather God chose for us, to pray a constant string of novenas and alternating who chose the next novena when the previous novena ended. Our prayer routine has changed in different ways since marriage, but we have always continued to pray every night together – deepening the God-husband-wife relationship.
10. Practice making sacrifices for others and one another.
As you may have heard and witnessed, marriage is an act of dying to self. Following in Jesus’ example, we sacrifice ourselves in everyday ways for our spouse and children. In a 2009 pastoral letter by the USCCB, it is said, “There is no greater love within a marriage and a family than for the spouses and children to lay down their lives for one another. This is the heart of the vocation of marriage, the heart of the call to become holy.” By volunteering together and practicing little acts of sacrifice for those around us and your beloved, you participate in strengthening the muscle of self-gift – one you will flex daily in marriage.
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